i am so changed by you
and yet i'm not.
i'm still me,
with something more.
i still like my hobbies,
but i think more of the future.
i still draw,
but stare at you more often.
i still read,
but thoughts of you intrude.
i still love to play,
but now i'll play with you.
i still love to go places,
but now i'll go with you.
i still love my family,
but i love you even more
you are my life,
my Mikhai.

i sit here and do the many things that are required for my job, but in the back of my mind are thoughts of you. how you are feeling today. is your tummy bothering you. did you drink all of your bottle. will you play tonight or crash as soon as we get home. you haven't been here in the physical world for very long, but you've been with me for a little over a year now. at times it still seems surreal. that this is a dream and i will wake up to find that you never existed or that someone has taken you away from me.
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there are thoughts that run through my mind.
but always there is you
what report is due
(is my baby okay)
i need to finish this
(is he sleeping right now)

got a call this morning from the baby sitter. normally she doesn't call so early in the morning, but she had good news. mikhai ate cereal off the spoon for the first time!! :o) we talked for a little bit and determined that we will continue to feed him cereal until he gets a little more comfortable with the spoon and realizes that "hey, there's that stuff that fills my tummy!"

i know every human being has gone through this and now does it every day of their life, but it's always amazing when it's your own baby. that makes it special.
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i'm looking at the baby picture from the hospital that's on my desk and his face is so expressive! he has his fist balled up and shoved right up to his jaw line and his eyes are scrunched like he's glaring at the lady taking the picture. i need to put a caption on there "the next person that comes near me is gonna get it!" lol

This is the beginning of my Mikhai's journey. He is 4 1/2 months now and so much has changed. I'm just amazed at my little guy. He was born May 18, 2005 and was 9lbs 14oz. My little moose-man! :o) Since the day he was born he has been holding his head up and trying to look at the world. His favorite thing (besides meal time) is to stand and see what is going on. He is very alert. (Sometimes too alert when he should be sleeping!)
At this stage he is sitting by himself for short periods of time. He looks like a little frog cuz he's so top heavy, but he's adorable!
He can reach for his bottle and bring it to his mouth if you hold it in front of him. He tries to grab it off the table if it is close enough. He doesn't do anything but knock it over, but he's getting there.
He just started rolling over from his back to his tummy about two weeks ago, but as soon as he did it once, he hasn't stopped.
He is just trying to get the hang of pulling himself up to crawl. He can get his knees under him, but the arms haven't followed suit yet. won't be long though...Mikhai doesn't do anything slow.
His hand-eye coordination is progressing so fast. We were in the bathtub the other night and he would not sit down and play with his toys. He kept trying to stand up so I let him. He stood there chasing after his toys that were floating in the water for a good twenty minutes. He would pick one up and chew on it for a second, drop it and then go after another on.
I just bought baby food yesterday (veggies). The baby sitter is going to feed him cereal every day for the rest of the week and get him introduced to the spoon that has that wonderfull item called food on it! Then we get to start on baby food after that.

Right now I work full-time and have a part-time job on the weekends. I enjoy my time away from him when I'm able to be an adult and talk to adults, but I also miss him greatly. He is such a happy baby and that happiness rubs off on anyone who comes in contact with him. You can't help but smile back at that Mr. Magoo grin! :o) I almost can't even remember what it was like to be pregnant though. It seems as though that happened to someone else and I'm still in a dream. Unfortunately, my dream wakes up every night about 1:30-2:30...lol.