someone told me the other day that if they spent as much time away from their kid as i do that they would not be able to live with theirself. i work full time and on the weekends have a part-time job. so there is only one day out of the week that i have an entire day to devote to mikhai. yes, of course that bothers me, but i know what i'm doing is best for us in the long run. It is hard. especially now since he's getting active and is recognizing people a little. i feel guilty leaving him, but then i also think that if i don't, i won't be able to do things for his future. and that's what i'm working for. i'm working so that we can get out of my mom's house. i'm working so that he can be financially secure with me. i'm working so that he can go to college and not worry about how to pay for it or drop out because we don't have the money. that's how i make it to work every day.

i want to do things the right way now. have preparations in case the impossible happens. i'm thinking of the future like i've never thought about it before. before i got pregnant, the future was just that. it was something that would happen later and i had plenty of time to prepare. now the future is on me and i have to work fast cuz they grow up so fast.

things i have done:
started a 401k. i put $25 dollars of every paycheck towards that.
just in the last couple of weeks i started purchasing savings bonds. i told the gentleman that i had a little one and he said that when he gets older and wants to go to college (which i will promote every chance i get) i can cash the savings bonds in with out penalty of taxes. if they are used for education you don't have to pay taxes!!! woohoo!!! lol
I'm having documents sent to me so that i can fill out a simple will. it won't be extravagant, but in case i die, something will be in place that will make sure that my wishes are followed and he doesn't become a ward of the state or is fought over by relatives.
i also purchased extra life insurance in the event something happens to me.

i think sums up the major stuff that i'm working on now to make sure he is taken care of in the future. i want to be an involved and responsible parent.

i commented to my mother last night that mikhai is not doing anything slow! eating, rolling over and now crawling! he managed to get up on all fours last night with about an inch or two between his belly and the bed then flopped forward and did it again. just the day before yesterday he was only getting his knees under him! (note: i need to call the babysitter and warn her!!!! lol) we're going to have two major milestones before the weekend is out i think. i just hope i'm there to see him crawl for the first time. that would be something to take with me to work that day. nothing could go wrong if that's how the day started!

hmm, well speaking of work, i should probably get back to it. can't wait to post again about his progress!

*sigh* my little boy is leaving the infant stage VERY fast. last night i felt his gums and he has one little tooth that is just below the surface of the skin. it's almost cut through, but in the mean-time, i have myself a cranky little boy. he's waking up in the middle of the night fussing and it's not his tummy and he's not hungry, so we go downstairs and he sleeps in his swing and i pass out on the couch. not quite as comfy as my bed, but if he's sleeping...i don't mind. i think he likes looking at the lights on the swing and that is what sooths him.. maybe i should look into getting him a light display for his crib.

ahh. something that i forgot. his grandmother gave him his first vegetables (carrots) while i was at work last saturday (10/8/05). much to my resentment. i'm rather peeved at her for it. that's one of the firsts that i would have at least liked to have been a part of even if i wasn't the one holding the spoon.

last night mikhai was playing with aunt krys on the floor. he sits up so well! that is until aunt krys got him so excited he tried to fly backwards! :o) i love it when something makes him laugh out loud. he's learned to stifle his laughs too, the little terd!! :o) you can tickle him and he will giggle like crazy then stop and do it again in a few minutes and he just kinda laughs at you for trying so hard. he's one smart little cookie.

he's also trying his darndest to crawl. after aunt krys was done playing with him and he had to get ready for bed, mikhai was playing on the floor with his toys and he had tossed them all out of his reach and was getting mad. gramma set his bottle down in front of him out of his reach and he got quiet, looked at his bottle and was trying to get his body to move in that direction. he's making a little more progress each time he tries.

it was a very long weekend. for a normally very happy baby, mikhai was not that happy for most of this weekend. the reason....it's time to cut teeth. he has one tooth on the bottom that if you press down just a bit you can feel it and it has been trying to come through for the past several days. so, i'm left with a cranky little boy who has a fever, is drooling like crazy and is trying to chew on anything that comes near his mouth!

but on a more positive note...he's almost figured out how to crawl. he's started to scootch forward so it won't be that long before everything falls into place and he's crawling all over the place!

he's learned how to launch himself forward from a sitting position. we were sitting in the tub last night and he wanted a toy that was a little bit out of his reach so he just launched himself forward and got a mouth-full of water. scared me more than it did him! crazy little boy! i'm so happy he likes the water. i'm so ready for him to be able to swim, but i also don't want him to grow up too fast! everyone keeps telling me to enjoy the time now, cuz it passes by so fast and before you know it, you're wishing they were little again. i already can't believe how much he has changed and it's only been a little less than 5 months. wow.

i've been here at work for almost an hour now and it's just now after 8am. i could seriously lay my head down and pass out for a few hours. mikhai got up this morning for his usual o-dark-thirty feeding. nothing wrong there. but we fell asleep before he finished and didn't burp and a little while later he woke up with a sore tummy. i tried patting his back, he was too tense for that to work. i tried standing up and lightly bouncing him on my shoulder, still too tense for that. i tried making him sit leaning forward to put pressure on his tummy and maybe release the gas that way. that didn't work either. so finally i took him downstairs and give him his medicine for his tummy. he likes that cuz it's really sweet. he'll suck the syringe dry lol. so i gave him that and grabbed a bottle of pedialyte and trudged back upstairs. (it's really hard to function and see straight when your eyes don't want to open.) we spent probably another 15-20 minutes waiting for the medicine to kick in and for him to relax. as soon as he relaxed he burped and then passed out a few minutes later. which just happened to be about 5 minutes before i had to get up and get ready for work. lovely. so i've been up since about 3:30 or so. hope no one here wants to me run a marathon or anything. cuz it ain't happening! :o)

he's so sweet and soft when he's sleeping. i love the feel of him next to me and i love waking up to his weight on my chest. makes all the feelings of depression go away. as long as i have him to hold i'll be fine.