oh, i'm nervous. i shouldn't be, but i am. i took mikhai to a new babysitter this morning. i know she's a wonderful lady. she has watched my neice and nephew for a long time and i've seen the changes in the two of them, but still....it's my baby that's over there and i'm worried. i really shouldn't be. it's one of those situations where you know everything is going to be fine, but you can do nothing BUT worry. how is he going to react to her? he just met her last night...he doesn't know her like the other babysitter...but the other babysitter can't watch him any more. she has done something to her back and after about a month of physical therapy and pain killers things are not getting better. and with her picking mikahi up (who is reaching 20 lbs) several times every day, that's not helping things.

it's been a couple days since i posted. mikhai is now getting exceptionally good at pulling himself up onto his knees and onto his feet. wednesday night he crawled over to gramma's sewing box, pulled himself onto his knees and then walked himself over to the fireplace like that. that little boy is too smart for his britches!!!

the baby sitter is taking him to the local YMCA to work out in the mornings and so that he has interaction with other babies and she told me yesterday that the ladies in the daycare there are just astounded with his crawling. he zooms all over the place.

i HAVE to take time this weekend to pull the crib out and lower the mattress because of him pulling up. with the mattress where it is now and him standing up the bar comes about to his shoulders and if he decides to launch himself, he's gonna go tumbling out and we can't have that! :o)

we go to the doctor next friday for our 6 month check up and we're gonna ask if he can start on table food. he scarfs the baby food down like it's going out of style. and whenever he is at the table with everyone he is trying to get anything that he can to put in his mouth! kinda sad that we have to baby-proof the kitchen table!!!! lol

my sanity is slowly leaving me to my own devices. if many more things happen to me i wouldn't be surprised if i have a mental breakdown. i have had more emotions since i had mikhai than i have had my entire life and i'm not sure how to deal with them. i heard a song on the radio a few weeks ago, (Sarah Beth by Rascal Flats) and when it got to the part about the boyrfriend shaving his head so she wouldn't be the only one that had no hair i lost it. there was no controlling the tears. thanks be to God that i wasn't driving! then again this morning, there was a song on the radio (Jesus take the wheel by ???) and the woman is singing about how she's driving on a dark road and she hits a patch of ice going too fast and her baby is in the back seat and she sees both of their lives flash before her eyes and she lets go of the wheel and says "Jesus, take over, it's in your hands" yeah, i started crying. then the next thing she knows is they are safely sitting on the side of the road and the baby is still sleeping like a rock. whew. and....more tears. man i don't know how to control these damn things! and trying to supress them doesn't work either.

so that's one thing. next item that is frustrating me:  i got to work on saturday and realized that i had two hours to kill so i went to get my hair cut and got pulled over. not for anything i did though. their inspection AND registration have been out since july and august, respectively. i was sitting at an intersection and there was a cop across the intersection and when the light turned green he pulled a u-turn right behind me. "great." so i called mom and she said they'll take care of the inspection and registration and i can go get the ticket dismissed. but what's chapping my ass right now is that I have to take time off work AND pay the fine ($10 per citation) to get this taken off my driving record. i shouldn't be the one that has to pay the fine.  and i was trying to save the vacation time here at work for when i REALLY need it, like when mikhai is sick.  now i have to take a whole bloody day off because i don't know if i just have to go to the court-house and pay the fine or go before a judge to get this cleared. 

next item that is frustrating me:  i'm still trying to figure out what to do about mikhai's father and child support.  i haven't had any dreams in a few days, probably because a million other things are going on, but i still think about this.  i want to do what's right for mikhai, but i also don't want to live through emotional hell forever.

next item that is frustrating me:  i went a couple weeks ago to the dentist to get a temporary crown put on a tooth that is decaying at an alarming rate.  had to pay $250 up front and they said another $250 in a month when the permanent tooth is ready.  last friday i got an EOB from the ins co. stating that patient responsibility is $655.00.  well, f**k.  so now i get to call and cancel that appointment cuz i don't have the extra $155 to go next week.

next item that is frustrating me:  i'm still $197 short on what i owe the baby sitter from when i loaned money to my parents (that i never got back).  not that she is throwing a fit about it.  we are working together to get it paid back, but it's still frustrating to see that "amount still owed" down at the bottom of the page.  but i'd rather be indebted to her than my parents. 

okay, now on to the biggest issue that i'm trying not to think about too hard:  i went last month to get my yearly woman's exam done.  no big deal.  'cept friday in the mail was a letter from the doctor stating: "based upon your results, the dr has recommended some further treatment."  okay, what the HELL does that mean?  the one word that you don't want to think about, but it still manages to wiggle it's way into your thoughts is "cancer".  i don't want to go ballistic before having all the details, but still, when they put it that way, the only thing you can do is worry. 

next item that is frustrating me:  as an artist, i pride myself on my steady hands.  right now they are shaking like crazy!

so i've got 10 more minutes to wait before i can call the office to see if they can explain a little bit more and try to make an appointment.  but i also want to wait so that my parents can pay the registration on their vehicle and i can make my appointment with the doctor and take care of the ticket on the same day.

wish me luck.

i'm in trouble. i am in soooo much trouble! if mikhai continues at this rate, oh man, i don't know what i'm gonna do! yesterday the babysitter called me (again) to tell me that we reached ANOTHER milestone. he figured out how to stay on all fours and crawl without reaching a hand, scootching the knees, pushing up, then plopping down and doing it over again. my baby is really crawling!!! mind you it's not long distances all over the living room, but once he's got the hang of it a little better, there's not going to be any stopping him.

the little monster sat up at the babysitter's on wednesday and all that evening i watched him, hoping that he would show momma how much of a big boy he is, but of course, momma was watching so he wouldn't do it! :o( but he showed me last night!!!!!! :o) along with the crawling and trying to pull himself up with the table and my pant leg. he was trying to get the remote off the end of the coffee table and grabbed the edges and was pushing up with his legs. his tush made it about two inches off the ground before his top half toppled to the side and he bonked his head on the table leg. momma picked him up and made sure everything was okay and he went right back to causin trouble...lol

his little teeth are coming in so good. they are very noticable when you stick a finger in his mouth and he bites down! i commented one day earlier this week that i had had a dream that his top teeth had come in already and my mom said that she had the same dream, but in hers his top teeth were like buck-teeth and huge! (i sure hope her dream doesn't come true!!!!! lol)

i wonder what he'll do this weekend to top off the past three days???

i just got off the phone with the babysitter. we have reached another milestone today!!! i mentioned in the last post that the little monster was trying to sit up by himself, well he did it today. the babysitter left him laying in the middle of the floor with his toys so she could take the dogs out, and when she walked back in the living room, he was sitting up by the swing with a toy in his mouth, just happy as can be!

momma just wants to hug him and squeeze him and call him george...lol.