oh my! there is food everywhere i go around here! as the admin for the company, i travel all the floors of the building visiting with people and THEY ALL HAVE FOOD! i'm gonna be so stuffed i'm not gonna be able to eat turkey dinner on thursday! and what makes it even worse is that the food for our company is sitting right inside my office, so i can't escape it!

help! i'm stuffed an i don't know how to stop.

lmao :o)

i need a smoke break already. and i don't even smoke.

my morning started out like any other. roll out of bed with the eyes still half closed and get dressed in the dark and hope to hell that what i have managed to grab matches. go downstairs and get everything ready to take mikhai to the babysitter, then leave. we drop krys off, pick up jodi, then drop mikhai off and finally head to work. mom has been driving like a bat out of hell, but i'm trying to sleep so i don't really pay much attention. she pulls into the gas station and asks jodi to go in and get her hot chocolate. no big deal. we pull out of the parking lot for the gas station and things go downhill VERY fast from there.

my mother is in the midst of an insulin reaction and she is behind the wheel of the car.

not what i'd call a good combination. i've already been in the car with her like this once and i almost literally got out of the car and kissed the ground because i made it in one piece and i might get to see my son again. i was that scared. this time wasn't as bad. it was only a few minutes of pure terror. the previous ride was about half an hour. so anyway. she starts to swerve and almost bounces off the curb. jodi says something to her and i wake up, all the way. she slams her foot on the gas one moment and then the next she is barely giving the car any gas at all. she misses the turn for work so has to go another way. she totally flies by the next turn to get to work. doesn't even realize it. she has this goofy look like she's in lala land. she swerves. i grab the steering wheel, try to keep us in one lane. jodi tells her to pull over. she's not very coherent. "okay, okay" (yeah, she says okay, okay anytime you try to tell her to do something when she's having a spell) the next turn is coming up. it try to help her around the corner and she jumps down my throat.
"I CAN DO IT, TANYA!"
my reply "well stay in one lane then"
she completely runs a stop sign.
"that was a stop sign"
"yeah, well i just ran it"
then she proceedes to fly through an apartment complex parking lot that has about half a dozen speed bumps (they're not nice on the shocks when you're going slow and she's almost going 30)
i was afraid she wasn't going to stop at the next intersection. this one actually has cars that go by that don't have a stop sign also. thankfully she manages to stop. work is only another minute away, but she careens around the corner, almost bouncing us off that curb, then literally stops in the parking lot like she's not sure what to do next. somehow she manages to get us into the parking spot but doesn't remember to put the car in park. i have to lean over and do it. if i hadn't done that she would have taken her foot off the brake and ran us into a wall. i sat there for all of a minute before i got out of the car and went inside. i am torn in how i feel. i am so pissed at being yelled at for giving a damn about my safety and hers, i want to throw one of her infamous lines at her "well excuse me for caring" but then there's the "she's having an insulin reaction and doesn't know what she's talking about and i shouldn't take offense" feeling. but damnit! i'm tired of getting yelled at for trying to make sure that i will make it to work in one piece.

so i'm sitting here at my desk and jodi calls me. "what does she need?" jodi really doesn't know what to do for her so i have to put aside my anger and go make sure that my mother doesn't die. i know it sounds melodramatic, but the honest truth is, if she'd have been left on her own, she would have. i take some O.J. and brownies (i mean it's almost thanksgiving so there is sugar all over the place) and check her sugars. she is at 43. normal is somewhere around 100+. not good. she's loopy and crying and even though all this is happening, she's still worried about what everyone at work is going to say. i could just pull my hair out. FINALLY we get enough orange juice and brownies down her that she is at least starting to be coherent. i check her sugars again and they are 57. not good, but better.

i come back to my desk to calm down cuz i'm still pissed at her, insulin reaction and all and jodi calls. i don't know what she's thinking, but now maybe she knows a little bit more of what i have to deal with. i had told jodi about the last ride of terror and she was sympathetic, but you don't really understand what happens until you're there. i sent her an e-mail and said "that was a small taste of what i went through a few weeks ago" her response "that was horrible!!!" (yeah, tell me about it)

we went to the doctor on Friday for our 6 month check-up. can you believe it's been six months!?!?! but according to the doctor (and this is a direct quote) "he's perfect" the little monster weighs 19 lbs 9 oz and is 26.5 inches long. the doctor had to clean out a bunch of ear wax that was way back in his ear canal so he didn't like that very much. if he could talk, he would have been yelling at the doctor. poor little guy got four shots also. he didn't like the shots this time and he was already upset about getting his ear cleaned out so this just made it worse. on the second shot, he must have tensed his leg cuz the girl had to use force to get the needle in. :o( make me feel bad cuz i have to hold him down while they do it. but he got lots of "aww how cute" from the nurses when we checked out. he had the pouty lip and was wimpering in the "oh mommy they hurted me" way and they just loved it. i felt even worse cuz i had to hold him down to give him the shots then left right after that to go to work. i didn't even get to cuddle him and make it better. (only one more weekend that i have to work) i'm so ready to be able to go home on Friday and spend the weekend with my son.

something is wrong with mikhai and i don't know what it is. for the past three nights he has been having trouble going to bed. i'll get him to sleep and go to put him in bed and he wakes up and starts crying again. it takes about an hour of this before he actually is down. last night was hard. he woke up just before one and cried and cried. i don't know what was wrong with him. i rocked him and he would get quiet for a minute, then his lips would quiver and he would cry again. i tried to give him a juice bottle cuz usually in the middle of the night that will calm him down, but he would suck on the bottle for all of ten seconds and he would cry again. it wasn't the "feed me, i'm hungry" cry or the "i hurt" cry. it was the "i want my mommy to kiss it and make it better" cry, but it didn't know what to make better. it's heart-breaking to listen to your baby cry for half an hour and not know what to do to calm them. by the end of it he had me crying also. FINALLY he wore himself out and fell back asleep. i told the baby-sitter this morning about his night and she said most of the time when they cry like that, it's either that they are teething or gas. well, it wasn't gas cuz we've taken care of that. so tonight i guess i'll just make sure to give him some teething medication.

well he survived two days now at the new babysitter's and so far this has been a wonderful experience for him. ms. tee said that mikhai is loving all the activity that he is seeing. she said that he is just alert and constantly looking around trying to see what's going on. trying to get in the middle of things too! lol. she has found out that he is a VERY active little 6 month old. on monday she tried to just sit him in his car seat so that he could watch the other little kids and not get trampled and she said the he wormed his way out of that in no time at all. yeah, he's been doing that for a while now...lol. he's had so much excitement the last two days that he has just been worn out at night. he comes home and plays for a while with me and his grama and papa, then by about 8:30 he's getting cranky and wanting to go to sleep. he's been crashed for the night and not waking up until 5:00 or later the past two nights. kinda cool if i do say so myself. :o)