Last Friday Mikhai had his one-year check-up. The doctor said that he looks great. After being sick for a week and not eating very much, he was still just over the 75th percentile on his weight at 24 pounds 12 ounces and in the 90th percentile on his height at 31”. Dr. Sampson said that he is going to be a biiiig boy. Yeah, we think so too. At the end of the visit he got his one year shots and all the previous times that he has gotten them, he has done wonderful with just barley a whimper. This time however, was a different story. Boy howdy, he did NOT like those shots (and there were four of them). The nurse had me lay him on the table and I had to lay across him and pin him down. Oh he was mad! The only thing that calmed him down afterwards was his milk and even then I was still getting dirty looks from him! On the way out the nurse said to make sure and give him Tylenol every four hours for the rest of the night. I gave him some when we got home and made sure to tell mom so that she could give him more since I had to work. Well I got home and was only asleep for three hours when she comes in and tells me that he is crying and hasn’t slept very well all night. I had to go back in her room and ask her when the last time was that he had Tylenol and milk. “oh, he hasn’t had any Tylenol. He was doing fine and playing all night and I forgot.” Arrrggghhhh!!!! That’s why he wasn’t sleeping! So I now get the lovely task of trying to calm him down and back to sleep when I’m barley coherent enough to put one foot in front of the other to get downstairs. Fun, fun, fun.

Eventually of course, he gets back to sleep and I follow soon after. But the little stink-pot has a natural alarm clock that wakes him up at 7:15 a.m. EVERY STINKIN’ MORNING!!! He doesn’t even do mom a favor and sleep in for a little bit longer once in a while.

If he is in bed with me, I usually just let him play. This includes trying to beat the crap out of me with whatever object he has managed to grab, climb over me to get at the lotion or baby powder by the side of the bed, beat my cell phone against the wall (until I think it’s going to break and take it away), listen to the ring tones on my cell phone (he loves to dance to them) and try and get off the bed to get into Lord knows what else! I can usually stall him with this for about an hour until he has enough and I’m tired of trying to keep him on the bed AND sleep at the same time. Multi-tasking at it’s best! :o)

If he actually stayed asleep in his bed and wakes up, I leave him be, he will occupy himself in there. On Sunday morning that might not have been such a good idea…I woke up and it took a second to get the groggy feeling to pass, then the senses kicked in. It stunk. My son had pooped and leaked ALL over his sheets, blankets and toys. I stripped that little boy, took his diaper off and cleaned up the worst of the mess and plopped his dirty bottom in the bathtub. We stayed in there and played for almost an hour. (we both looked like prunes when we got out.)

last week on friday (i forgot to post this) mikhai got his hair cut. i didn't cut it short, i just got rid of the shaggy stuff that was hanging over his ears and in his eyes. (i have to remember to get the baggie with the clippings and put it in the baby book.) he is so handsome now. (not that he wasn't before, but he's even more handsome i think) he looks so different, yet nothing has changed. his grama was holding him and i had a fleeting glimpse of my cousin travis in his face. he definitely has dominant features from my side of the family.

thinking about his features made me look at the other babies in the family (the miller portion) paige and hunter's faces are longer, like their daddy's, but mikey and mikhai have the round miller face. you can definitely tell we are all related!

*i have put all my photos online in the kodak gallery and while browsing one day, i came across an option to make a photo album. i started one and i just finished it today. i did a chronology of his life so far...starting with me in the hospital and ending with his birthday party on sunday. i should have it thursday. (i paid the extra money to get it sooner. i'm impatient when it comes to presents like this...lol)

5-15-06
This is just a summary of my evening. Mikhai was not feeling well and was screaming at me, as loud as he could. I had no clue what was going on. I could not get him to calm down. I thought to try to give him a bath and see if that would distract him, but all it did was piss him off even more. So most everyone out there has tried to get a pissed off kid out of the water, it’s not easy. Well my mother decided to walk in right at that point…when I was at my wits end and royally frustrated. She took him away from me and told me to go away and calm down. I was getting frustrated for sure, but I didn’t get pissed until she butted her “abnormally large nose” into my business. She handed Mikhai to my dad and then came into my room and proceeded to chew my ass out for the next 15 minutes. “I never want to see you do that to your son again.” (this is directed at how I took him out of the tub.) most of what she said I don’t remember, don’t care to either because it’s a bunch of bullshit, but here is what my mother thinks of me: I am supposed to open my mouth and ask for help. I can not do it alone. I told her that it’s kinda hard to ask for help when every time I turn around she is telling me “he’s your son”, “you do it, he’s not my son”. She said that she only says that when I get home from work and because she has just had him for the last 6 hours and is tired. Bullshit, I hear it all the time. I don’t want to “disturb” them, I know they lead a busy life and all….; I don’t take pride in myself. (huh? I’m not the one that whines because I can’t fit into anything yet continues to sit on my ass and do nothing about it. I have actually signed up for a gym and gone!); I don’t talk to them anymore. (I’m slightly disgusted with some actions lately and if I open my mouth the words would not be very nice, so I don’t say anything, yet.); I don’t do anything anymore. (well no shit, when do I have time?! I’m working 7 days a week here and what time I do have, I don’t want to spend it with anyone else but my son.); I’m supposed to provide love and understanding to my son, even if that means walking away and letting him cry; she said a bunch more that I don’t know the exact words to, but the summary of it was that I am a bad mother. Oh she didn’t come out and say it in so many words, but the idea was there. I hate that she is so damned righteous about everything to do with me and my son. I guess making me feel lower than shit is her way of making herself feel better. She is NEVER fucking wrong about anything. I am supposed to take her word as law. Bullshit. (I seem to like that word a lot today.) but, my son was taken away from me for the rest of the evening and I was told to go to sleep. What rankles me more than anything on the earth is to be TOLD to do something and I’m expected to be obedient. Oh hell no.

5-16-06
This morning on the way to drop of Mikhai at ms. Tee’s I’m not saying anything. I am still so pissed that my blood pressure is up for sure. Jojo is in the car with us and mother waits until I am out of the car then she tells jojo that Mikhai was yelling at me last night and I was yelling at him. She said nothing about the fact that she totally demoralized me and my parenting abilities. It was all I could do to get through the day without sneering every time I had to work with her. That night, Mikhai and I went to my sister’s house to watch hunter and paige since mikey had a late game and we weren’t in the door two minutes before Mikhai projectile (pea soup from the exorcist type) vomits all over my feet and my sister’s carpet. (lovely) he missed our clothes so I got the carpet cleaned up and he seemed to be fine then. They left for the game and everything was fine for a while. About half an hour later though, while he was sitting in my lap, Mikhai decides to empty the contents of his stomach all over my lap. (yippee) paige was a big help. Since I was covered in the crap and I didn’t want to walk through my sister’s house dripping puke all over the place, she went and got me a towel to clean us up a little bit and got me some of her mom’s clothes to change into. Got that cleaned up and all three of the kids passed out. I finished watching the movie and stood up to put Mikhai on the floor and he woke up, and threw up again. (at this point I’m getting really tired of cleaning up my sister’s carpet! Lol) after he threw up and I got it cleaned up, he laid on the floor and tossed for a second or so and passed out. Strange child. So they get home, we go home, get ready for bed and just as we get settled for the night and we’re going to sleep, he rolls from his back to his tummy and throws up on my chest and the bed. (I’m REALLY getting tired of him throwing up now.) clean the bed off, remove the sheets and clean us up and we finally get to sleep.

5-17-06
I had called ms. Tee after Mikhai threw up for the second time last night and we discussed and determined that it had to be his teeth (he’s cutting molars) and the pain is severely upsetting his tummy. So he went to ms. Tee’s this morning and I told her that if he continues, to call me and I would get him. I called the nurse later that morning and told her our “theory” and she said, “uh, no. it’s a virus.” Well, damn. Not what I want to hear. I called ms. Tee and said that if she wanted, I would come get him and she said that he was already there and if they were going to get it, they already had. Okay. Cool. So I talk to my sister later in the day and she said that Mikhai had thrown up again, but ms. Tee said that it was too late in the day to make me leave work and come out and get him. Okay that was nice. We get home and my mother being the righteous being that she is thinks that what she says is correct and he is fine now. So she decided to give him potato chips and insisted that I feed him jello. I had no more put the last bite in his mouth and he threw up all over me and the floor. Great.

5-18-06
Today was mikhai’s 1st birthday….and he spent it at home with his mom. I took him to ms. Tee’s and told her that he had thrown up again and she said that she wouldn’t take him again until he hadn’t thrown up for 24 hours. So I take him back out to the car and tell mom and she said, “well hurry so I can take you home” I asked, “can we not have the car to go get some pedialyte?” she huffed and just drove on. I told her nevermind, take us home. She didn’t. she was a bitch to me the entire way to work. At one point, very rudely, she tells me that I have to go to the bank “and I better do it before noon” because she wanted it in there before 12. so we get to the building and jojo gets out. Mom calls dad (while I’m sitting there!!!) and tells him that she needs a ride because I just had to have to car and now she has no way to get home and gas is too expensive for me to come back up and get her. It’s all my fault. Well you know what, if I had my truck, this wouldn’t be happening!!!!!!!!! I leave and go to wal-mart to get the pedialyte. The bank is next door, but doesn’t open until 8am so I took some pedialyte to my sister since hunter was home sick too, then headed back out to the bank. We had been home for about an hour when I get a call on my cell phone. It’s mom.
“where are you!”
at home.
“can you not answer the phone?”
sorry, we’re in our room with the door closed, I didn’t hear it.
“where have you been?!”
I went to wal-mart and then the bank, but it didn’t open until 8.
“so you just sat there?!”
well, yeah. I didn’t want to have to go out again.
“well your dad called krys and you weren’t home yet and I wanted to know where you were.”
I didn’t go driving around.
“that’s not the point. You never think of others. All you think of is yourself. You have left me stranded here. I have no money to get lunch (she had asked me for money, but stormed off before I could give it to her) and no way to get any. I have no way to get home. You just don’t think.”
I told you could just take us home.
“no you didn’t”
yes, I told you before we got to the light
“don’t get snotty with me!” (what and it’s okay for you?)
silence on my end. I can’t win an argument with her so I don’t even try.

She says some more derogatory shit to me then decides to shut up and get off. I was done with the conversation a long time ago, but just sat there. I have always been told that if you can’t say anything nice, keep your mouth shut. So I do.

Later that evening when dad brings her home she is very cold to me and won’t talk, but she is loving all over my son. (who by the way did not throw up once the entire day)

5-19-06
he goes to ms. Tee’s. everything is fine. He has his birthday party and they made cupcakes and had lots of fun. When I get home after midnight, dad is asleep on the couch, Mikhai is on the floor and krys is on the loveseat. Dad wakes up and tells me that Mikhai threw up after they tried to give him a corny dog. (duh, he should still be eating bland food and clear liquids) my mother told me at one point this past week that she will give him another bottle of milk even if he just finished one. She doesn’t care. If it will shut him up she’ll give it to him.

5-20-06
I had to work again so Mikhai was with my parents. When I met up with them for dinner, they told me that he had “forced himself” to throw up three times that day. He had apparently been sticking his fingers in his mouth and gagging himself. He’s trying to relieve the pain on his gums. I have no clue what all they tried to feed him. He’s not completely over being sick and they’re trying to feed him like he was never sick. That’s part of why he threw up, I’m sure.

5-21-06
Today we had Mikhai’s birthday party. I never realized entirely how much work goes into putting on a birthday party for a kid. And how much my mother tried to take over, unless it was work that needed to be done. My mother loves to control everything. Many times throughout the day I mumbled how much I hate her because she was being such a bitch to me in front of all these people. This is supposed to be a happy day and I’m so irritated I can’t stand it. But we had a wonderful turn-out. Probably too great. We ran out of room for people to sit in the living room. But Mikhai got lots of outfits, which is great cuz he is growing out of the ones that he has. His belly is showing under the t-shirts and the onsies are getting a little short….lol..

i forgot that ms. tee helped mikhai make a mother's day gift for me. on certificate paper she wrote a poem that says something along the lines of "i know you get discouraged when i draw and put hand prints on the wall, but i am growing up and they will eventually fade away so here is a permanent hand print for you..." then she traced his hand on the side and put a picture of him playing at the bottom. that is going to get framed and put on the wall. my baby's first mother's day gift to me.

my first mother's day was great. krys woke me up about 9:15 (i had gone out on saturday night so they let me sleep in a little bit) andmade me go into mom and dad's room. there they helped mikahi give me my present. it was a big dog shirt that says "it's five o'clock somewhere" with four beverages on it: margarit, strawberry daiquiri, tequila sunrise and a cosmopolitan. i love the shirt. it's a shame i can't wear it to work and show it off....lol. but krys and dad went downstairs to fix breakfast so as soon as mikhai fell asleep i went down to help and was yelled at told to get back upstairs with mom. okay, you don't have to tell me twice. krys brought us fresh strawberries with sugar (yummy) and juice then when breakfast was ready, dad helped mikhai bring me my plate. it was so sweet. a little while later i took a nap with mikhai then we went downstairs and played. i got some video of him getting into his baby swing (backwards) and playing with that for a while. in the evening we went to grama and grandpa's for dinner. dad cooked us all steaks. yummy.