mikhai and i went out to lunch with my girlfriend who has a little girl that is only 6 weeks younger than mikhai, but she looks like she's a couple months younger. he is 19 pounds and she is only 12, so you touch mikhai and he's squishy. but you touch her little girl and she's solid. man what a difference. we tried to get pictures taken of the two of them together to show the difference (he is almost a head taller than her by the way) and he was trying to climb all over her to get to the drinks on the other side of the table. needless to say she wasn't too thrilled about that. little brute! lol.

five and half months old and he has almost mastered the art of crawling! he was on his grama's bed yesterday morning trying to get the remote (with single-minded concentration) and it wasn't perfect crawling, he fell down quite a bit, but he got over to the remote pretty darn fast. he had been doing the pyramid crawl and falling over when his feet got too close to his hands, but he figured out that he has to bend the knees and rest on them to get movement. he is not quite strong enough to support his weight on one arm yet so when he moves one, he kinda plops forward. he's so cute though. i was being rotten and making him crawl farther by moving the remote just out of his reach when he would get close. the only time he got mad was when he tried to climb over my leg to get the remote and trapped his arm under his body. other than that, he was a crawling maniac.

well, i had another dream about the father finding out about mikhai last night. i have had this feeling that i need to call him and let him know that mikhai was born, but i don't want it to bite me in the ass, so to speak. but this naggin feeling is always just at the edge of all thoughts. i can't get away from it. on one hand, i don't want to call him, because then mikhai won't be MY baby, he'll be his baby too. i know that's selfish, but he's been MY baby for over a year now. the five months that he's been in the outside world, and the nine that he was in me.

so, called i lawyer a few minutes ago to discuss the legal end of things (i didn't come out any more knowledgable than i went in with all the legal phrases he was throwing out) and my mother walked in on the conversation and stayed to listen. i didn't want her to know about this because she is bitter as hell about the whole child support process cuz it's biting HER in the ass right now. so she's not very supportive of this. i told her that i'm still on a teeter-totter about everything, but i need to think about mikhai. the money from child support could be put into a savings account for his future or something. one day he might want to know who his father is.

she said "it's been over a year and he hasn't called you"

"you can't just think about the money"

"they didn't want this baby in the first place, you know what kind of fuss they made when you found out"

"it's gonna be emotional hell for you"

and when i didn't respond to any of that, she finally said "well, it's up to you. i can't make your decisions for you" and huffed out. *sigh* why do adults act like children sometimes when they don't get what they want or you don't whole-heartedly agree with them? (hormones are a pain the tush! my stomach has decided to go on a rollercoaster ride without my consent)

i'm having trouble even organizing my thoughts. that's not kool, i have a million and one things to take care of here at work and yet this is going through my mind, do i? don't i? do i? don't i?.......

can someone please give me some feedback. i really don't want to discuss this with my family because of all the child support horrors that they have faced. that's only one side, i know there have got to be others.

mikahi slept all night last night and was momma ever happy!! the two previous nights mikhai couldn't decide if he wanted to go to sleep or stay awake so we were up and down all night long. makes for an exhausting day at work. but this morning he didn't get up until 5am! woohoo!! so after i fed him and i was getting ready, i put him in the walker to occupy himself for a little while. the little monster was zoomin all over the front room! his movements aren't just ramdom muscle jerks that take him somewhere. he is actually placing one foot in front of the other and propelling himself forward. and in the process getting into everything within reach! little stinker!

hmm, i just cleaned my glasses from where he got ahold of them this morning and it's amazing what i can see now! lol :o)

Mikhai is so funny at times. he's trying to crawl and he will get on all fours, but instead of moving his hands with his legs, he will leave them where they are and continue to scootch his feet up so that he is on his hands and toes. looks like a little pyramid. then he topples over and give a look "hey! what happened here?!" lol

he's so adorable!!!! you just wanna pinch those fat cheeks too!

i checked last night after i got home and the second tooth that was trying to come up has broken the skin also. it's just a little bitty piece of the tooth, but it's a start!

:o) i had to send an e-mail to everyone here at work yesterday about mikhai's first tooth. lots of people laughed at me for it, but i don't care...lol i was excited.